Lyndon Johnson

Some people are like Lyndon Johnson and the politics of that time.....They seem to make promises or have great need, seek out any who are willing to sacrifice for them, kill for them, die for them....only to spit on them and toss you into the trash when they are done and change course.

More of this thought to come later but for now is enough to say this: America Ain't so Bad...enjoy your freedom and opportunity....some believe in it and fight for it...not expect it as a right.

Cheerleaders, Trainers and Coaches

Sports seems to again permeate deeper into life than simply winning or losing. Consider this. At any given sporting event there is of course the athlete(s), also, there are those cheerleading the performance, those who may have helped condition(trainers) the performers and the coaches. I suggest that if we look at the role of each of these we can then associate those roles beyond sports and into our interrelations with various people in our lives.

Consider the cheerleader. What is their purpose? To show support, help engage others in showing support. That is about it. No real contribution to enhanced performance, no input as to how to achieve the desired success. It doesn't matter if the performance sucks. Just keep wishing them the best.

A trainer: What is their duty? To Assist and abet, push and challenge one to get better at what the performer wants. It doesn't matter if the want is oriented toward bettering the performance. If the performer wants something..the trainer helps them achieve it. Be it, relieving some pain, muscle or speed building up to, as we all are aware, methods that may actually be harmful in the long run.

And the coach: The coach makes suggestions and decisions. The coach will teach and sometimes even put one on the bench or change the plan altogether. The coach provides input that is straight to the gut, unencumbered my personal feelings. The coach is seeking how to improve the product and will suggest, praise, kick butt or even demote. But always based upon performance.

So....How does this go beyond sports? I ask everyone:

What role do you assume in your dealings with those you encounter or care about in life?


I think it is different with various people in my life. I know I wear each "Hat" at various time with various people.

Sometimes I am simply a cheerleader... "wishing them the best". Rah Rah Rah but I forget your game till next the next time.

Sometimes I am the trainer, or to me the teacher. I decide if I will teach and what to teach. I will not simply assist in abetting a goal of destruction.

My personality is that of the coach. Say it like it is. If you can't handle the truth, I am not the one with the issue. I won't mandate, dictate or waste time dominate. It may seem so to some but it is really sharing, taking a stance on my position and belief. Unafraid to be shy about it yet willing to be open to negotiation and change. Acknowledge success and speak forthright about less.

I believe I wear each hat at various times.

So.....My question.

What are you? a Cheerleader, a Trainer, or a Coach?

A Child's Rights

I do not know the original author of this work. I wish I did so that I could provide proper credit.

A Child’s "Bill of Rights":

In memory of civilized behavior and with the hope it can be salvaged from the slag-heap of "self-esteem," here are a child's real and only rights:

Article One: Because it is the most character-building word in the English language, children have the right to hear their parents say “No” at least three times a day, every day.

Article Two: Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents don’t exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the skills they (the children) need to eventually make themselves happy.

Article Three: Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming to certain isolated areas of their homes.

Article Four: Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for them but don’t give a hoot what their children think about them at any given moment in time.

Article Five: Because it is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, children have the right to hear their parents say, “Because I said so,” on a regular and frequent basis.

Article Six: Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in within the four walls of his/her home, children have the right to share significantly in household chores.

Article Seven: Every child has the right to discover early in life that he/she isn’t the center of the universe, that he/she isn’t the Second Coming and that he/she isn’t even (in the overall scheme of things and in strictly earthly terms) very important at all (no one is) so as to prevent him/her from becoming an insufferable brat.

Article Eight: Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive; therefore, they have the right to receive all that they truly need and very little that they simply want.

Article Nine: Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience and that said consequences are memorable and therefore persuasive.

Article Ten: Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above rights.

Bugging Bored and Begging

One of the first things I learned as a child was not to piss off dad. Now, upsetting dad could be accomplished via direct or indirect access. Direct being interacting with him on a one on one basis. Indirect, being getting mom or little sister too upset, because to them, dad was like their available air force or entire regimen of reinforcements who guaranteed them victory up to the point of annihilation if so desired.

I offer that piece of background information as it plays a critical role in the early childhood learning experience. The art and science of detecting the three "B"s. Three of the most common potential sins any child can commit.

The first sin typically encountered is the sin of "Bugging". Bugging loosely translates as: "Any behavior that is of an unwelcome nature."
This can run the gamut from being too loud (which is not a set decibel level one can measure, but rather, an arbitrary volume constantly in flux measured solely by the audience), to persisting in a previously acceptable activity (such as wrestling or making fake flatulence noises) beyond the, once again, arbitrary time limit set by the person claiming to being bugged, up to and including simply asking too many questions (sometimes 1 is actually too many).

Bugging a sibling is a normal activity that we (boys) are taught is always best resolved between the siblings, thus avoiding adult or parental intervention. This valuable and necessary learning experience teaches us conflict management, tolerance, arbitration, and sometimes self defense and even blackmail skills. The problems occur when one sibling calls in the adult reinforcements either by tattling (which boys are not allowed to do) or via the more passive aggressive action of screaming too loudly or crying out in false pain shrieks within earshot of a nearby adult. Once parents are dragged into it everyone risks being punished.

Once one has been convicted of bugging, which most often happens via some sort of spontaneous judgement process, the result is punishment. This can be banishment ("go find something else to do"), verbal (I'll put your head through that wall where I always wanted a new pass through kitchen nook") , denial of privileges (grounding, etc.) and even corporal. There is no method before undertaking the bugging activity for predetermining what form the punishment might emerge as.

Therefore, even as early as the toddler years it is critical to ones survival to learn one simple thing. Bugging results in punishment. Its that simple. Bug.... get punished.

After we master that simple concept we later move on to degrees of bugging, which include bug mom too much and she punishes you, but then she, being female like a sister, may tattle to the reinforcements (dad) and a second punishment occurs for a bugging that many times is already forgotten about by the time the aforementioned second punishment is administered. The exception to the forgetting part is when the bugging happens to a sister, because they are very adept at reminding you throughout the course of the day from the moment they scream for help, that both mom and dad are going to extract their pleasure out of you later.

After graduating from the school of bugging the next "B" sin to be encountered is the classic sin of uttering the words "I'm Bored" or "There's nothing to do" within earshot of a parent. Say those words and risk being assigned chores that parents always have an endless list of. "I'll give you something to do: go clean your room, go mow the lawn and rake the leaves, go help your sister (which can lead back to the first "B" sin of bugging), go write a letter to Aunt Martha, etc." Say bored twice and risk even worse: the "you can help me's": "help me do laundry, help me vacuum, help me go shopping", etc.
I am here to tell you that some of these could easily be put into the punishment category because to a 7 to 9 year old boy "helping" mom shop for new shoes or a bra is not only more boring than not having anything to do but also invariably leads back to the first "B" bugging. This is because bugging and the ensuing punishment for that sin is the only possible way out of the "helping" resolution to committing the second "B" sin of being bored.

This sin is actually quite easy to understand and avoid. Simply train oneself to always use the phrase "There is nothing Fun to do". Just watch out for that occasional parent who might be moody or feeling bugged who comes back with "Do you think I enjoy cleaning this toilet?"

The last terrible "B" sin is the sin of begging. This is the exception sin because learning to master this one is actually extremely valuable not only as a child, but as an adult and later as a parent (or whichever comes first). Begging is defined here as making the exact request more than one time. The operative word being exact. Begging also results in punishment, but of a different nature. The punishment constitutes loss of any opportunity for attaining the begged for privilege the "NEXT" time it is desired.

The easiest way to explain this is with an actual example dialogue.

Beggar: "May I go to the movie?"
Parent: "No"
Beggar: "ahh can I?"
Parent: "Busted!!"

The begging sin has now been committed and the result is: not only is the beggar not going to the movie now but the next time the beggar makes a movie request it is automatically denied as a punishment for this transgression.

The begging can easily be avoided and the skill of negotiation learned and honed by simply asking questions and modifying the requests. Keeping in mind this one axiom: "Subsequent requests require additional information not provided previously that may overcome any objections." For instance, if the prior conversation had gone like this after the parent said "no".

Beggar: "is there a specific reason why I am not allowed?"
Parent: "yes, I do not have enough information to give my approval. You are only 8 years old and I need to know what movie it is, when and where it is playing, who you are going with, how you are getting there and back, and how you intend on paying for this."

So now the child is aware of the parents concerns and can come back with:

Beggar: "May I go to see "Bambi" at the theater on the corner this afternoon at 3 with Bobby and Sally? We are going to walk there and Sally's mom is picking us up afterward and bringing us home. I am hoping you will pay for it, but if not, I can break my piggy bank that has been passed down to me through 4 generations and spend my own money".

This is not begging. The second time the request was made it was not exactly the same and actually addressed each of the stated concerns that prevented approval in the first place. Thus resulting in a successful negotiation (not in the least part because the parent was now primarily focused on the beggar NOT breaking the family heirloom to fund the movie.)

The only caveat to learning the art of negotiation vs begging is to remember, the requester may always ask "why not?", but the decision maker is under no obligation to provide a why. It is only by the grace of the parent or person being asked, that they may choose to share their objections and thus open negotiations.

Learning to navigate the three "B's" is no guarantee that one will avoid upsetting the parental applecart because there are still another 25 letters in the alphabet as well as the rules that all begin with numbers from 1 to infinity. However, as the "B's" are most common and it used to be that we learned the three "R's" in elementary school, this writing may provide an ample springboard for learning how to avoid pissing off dad and possibly how, as parents, we might enable our children to learn quickly how to avoid pissing us off.

A few of my Isms and

Observations

I will add more as my memory stumbles back onto them or those dear to me do the reminding.

(1) Never intentionally harm another person.
You will do so accidently often enough throughout life.

(2) No ball, yo-yo, stick, or any other object, if left untouched will ever jump out of a closet or off a shelf and break a window. In other words, kids, if you don't need to use the chain saw............don't play with it, and if you do need to use it........use it properly and in an appropriate setting

(3) You can't find the mustard in the fridge translates to you were too damned lazy to bend down or move anything and stupid enough to believe that dad was going to jump up and come do it for you.

(4) Can't? or simply not willing to put in the necessary effort????

(5) Children are much more capable and durable than most parents are ready to accept from their "babies" (other peoples' children should be though)

(6) Fair?????????? Who gets to determine the definition of this word? How do I get to be on that committee?

(7) If you can't say what you mean how is someone else supposed to hear what you intend??? Be accurate in your speech

(8) You can learn more with your mouth closed than with it open

(9: What's with warranties anyway......an admission of belief in product failure?????? So much belief that the time/date is even predictable????

(10) Put responsibility before personal pleasure

(11) Never tell your children that you will be the perfect parent. Instead, promise them that you will always be the best parent you are cabable of being.

I Detest being a Man

I dislike being categorized as a man. I believe I am much more:

• A spirit which has learned from females and males, past and present
• The mentally retarded and from the expertly educated regardless of sex
• A spirit with thoughts, feelings, and a history of my own
• Someone who learned from birds, cats, horses, flowers and trees.
• Someone in touch with a Higher power that I do not even care to know the sexuality of.

Aren't we all like this? No one category to be lumped into and limited by. An entity that is responsible for our being, not impuned of our faults because of the limitations of some single category?
Yes, I am male. I am also "old timer", Caucasian, parent, and brother, geek, teacher, student and preacher.

I was(still am some would say) a hippie, a conservative, a liberal and libertarian.

Do any of these categories ever come close to fully defining an individual? I think not.

Perhaps the best category I can think of to encompass it all is to say that I am a:

Mishmash, assortment, conglomeration, gallimaufry, hodgepodge,
jumble, medley, mélange, miscellany, mixed bag, mixture, olio,
patchwork, potpourri, salmagundi, or variety.

I refuse to live in one single box. I love being outside the boxes and esoteric. Oh oh, maybe that makes me a "Black Sheep".

What are you?

The Spiraling Universe

We all know that things tend to go in cycles. History repeats itself in general terms. Ice ages come and go. Economies rise and fall. The list goes on and on. But this blog is going to focus on one apparently cycling thing that surprises me. Communication among people. How they interact. Obviously, since "man" gained the attribute of speech it has been an instantaneous and interactive means of communicating when in an other's presence. The main issues to overcome had been commonality of language and distance. What to do if the other person was out of ear shot?
Technology has taken many avenues in solving this problem. Smoke signals, drums, flags, flashing lights, writing notes and letters to be read later, telegraph, radio. etc etc. Each was an advancement of its time, yet never fully resolved the problem. Anything requiring future delivery carried the burden of losing the interactive aspect of communication and even the risk of non delivery. Some were very fast but too complicated for popular everyday use or still limited in distance.
Then we got the telephone. Wow! dial, ring, answer, talk. Problem solved. What a huge change almost resolving a problem that had existed as long as mankind has walked upright. There were still minor issues and one large one. Portability would soon be resolved via the advent of cell phones. Now one can use the tool anyplace (so says Verizon, Sprint, AT&T) but the language barrier was still a huge issue.
Then we got the Internet. Bingo...Software to translate languages, plus the bonus of not only utilizing voice, but also text and even still and/or moving images (cams). So it would seem that technology has finally provided the tool, the means for instantaneous communication among people. Hopefully, this tool will continue to evolve and become even more available, reliable and functional.
But...and this is a big But, are people ready for it or are we already cycling back to what is more comfortable? With the telephone at hand many people send text messages or email. How does one know when the other receives the email? I happen to check mine every couple days. We used to have beepers for people who did not have telephone handy to tell them to go call in. Is that next for email...cycle back to making them carry beepers to tell them to go open email and respond? Why not dial their number in the first place?
We have chat rooms with voice and video capabilities. A new toy and playground. Free instant interaction with one person or many, text, voice or video.
So what has now come along? Blogging!!

For goodness sake. It seems many people are cycling backward and attempting to utilize blogging as a replacement for interactive communication. I don't see blogging as a replacement for anything. I enjoy blogging as a means to archive thoughts and share a bit of myself with anyone or no one, whenever (if ever) they might happen along. More like writing a magazine article or book than a form of interactive communication.
Maybe mankind is simply not used to the vast opportunities exposed by the technology available today. To be exposed to so many people, not just one's neighborhood or coworkers. Exposed to such a vast variety of personalities and mores (pronounced more-AAAs). Is it possible we are less capable of handling diversity than generally desired?
Is blogging simply being used by many as a means of having one's turn to speak without the risk of anyone replying in contrast?
I hope not. I hope not.